I Never Knew

Recently a minister visited our church and said that he was the best parent there was until he had children. I laughed. I laughed hard. It's true!

I never knew how ignorant I was. How many times in my past did I offer unsolicited advice to parents? How many times did I say "when I'm a parent"? How many times did I groan, roll my eyes and not so quietly judge the parents of a screaming child in a store?

I daily learn a lesson regarding this self righteous behavior. A daily lesson brought to me from the one and only.

Daily I learn that things are not always as they seem. Parenting is not black or white. 

Lesson #1 - Babies cry! Sometimes my little man cries. He cries! Sometimes there is a reason. It can be because he needs his diaper changed, he's hungry, he needs his medication for reflux, etc. Sometimes he cries for reasons only known to him. These times can be frustrating. It's also exhausting and can cause great alarm and worry. It's humiliating and hurtful when you catch people rolling their eyes, mumbling under their breath or just very openly "acknowledging" your crying baby with helpful advice to you the parent. 

Lesson #2 - Things change! Raising a child is different than it used to be. Just because it worked for you in the past (even if it was yesterday) doesn't mean it is right for me and my child today. People want to be helpful, but sometimes it can be downright annoying hearing the "this is how I raised my child". Things change and as a parent I need to listen to advice given to me by experts (aka the doctor) and follow what I feel is best.

Lesson #3 - Just because an expert "suggests" it, doesn't mean it will work or is the best thing for me and my child. This seems to contradict lesson #2 a bit, but believe me, it does not.

I think the hardest thing for me is knowing that I expect that everyone is judging me as harshly as I have judged other parents. Don't get me wrong, I still fail at being nonjudgmental. I still hear myself offering unsolicited advice, rolling my eyes, muttering under my breath and saying things such as "if that were my kid...". Yes, I am a human, but I am getting better. I have started to slow down and try to open myself up to someone else's perspective. I try very hard to see the other side. It's difficult, but necessary.

Of course, I still always want to reevaluate everything. Could something be done differently? Can I change the circumstances? A step closer to feeling less judged because I am judging less.

One day I will make it to perfection, but until then, this little man will continue to help me learn.