Starting over. This has been my mantra for a couple of months now. I am your typical female, mom, former leader, workaholic, people pleasing person. I hate making mistakes. I mean I REALLY HATE MAKING MISTAKES. No one can every chastise or beat me up more than I do myself. I'm very hard on myself. I have very unrealistic goals and standards I set for myself. It's crazy! Some of them are so out of this world that I can never even begin to attain to them. I set myself up to disappoint myself. I lead myself to the dark pit of depression and have consistently lived a life of stumbling.
Some of these unrealistic expectations come from the way I grew up. I love God. I love the church. BUT I'm coming to realize that living for God isn't quite so black and white. Settle down now everyone. I believe that there are black and white guidelines that God has given us, but I do believe that there are rules and guidelines that many Christians enforce upon themselves and others that are just not as important to God as they are to us. What are those? Read the book. Pray about it. Consult with your Pastor. Is it a heaven or hell issue? Will it consistently cause others around you to stumble? I am not saying that we should not hold ourselves to a higher standard, but the standard should be something that compliments your walk with God and His holiness. How I dress, my appearance, the way I talk, my actions are they pleasing to God?
Other unrealistic expectations come from what I put before me. Social media, tv, the internet, blog posts. None of these things are terrible on their own, but there may be things that I see and allow myself to become envious of. When I become envious I start setting an unrealistic goal.
It isn't just about unrealistic expectations though. I fail when it comes to expectations that I should be able to attain to, but because of these other expectations I've had I come down really hard on myself even when I mess up on simple things.
I've been reading a lot about grace lately. God is so full of grace and mercy. This reading has really thrown a wrench in to some of my ideologies, the way I function and think. God doesn't want us to fail and when we do He helps pick us up, helps us brush our knees and hands, wipes the tears from our eyes and helps us get back on our path. Why do we not have this same kind of grace for ourselves? Why is it that when I mess up my world comes apart? We limit God. We fall down and do one of the following:
1. Sit and pout (wallow in depression)
2. Push God away and say we can get up on our own (pride)
3. Allow Him to help us up, but keep beating ourselves up (unforgiveness)
Don't get me wrong. Depression is a real thing and can lead you down a black hole that is so unimaginably hard to get out of, but we don't have to live in it. Look up, forgive yourself because God has already forgiven you. I'm not perfect. I never will be here on earth. I have to forgive myself.
Want to know the best part of learning to forgive yourself is? That you become less judgmental when it comes to other peoples failures. When you stop holding yourself to impossible tasks, you stop holding others as well. It is so freeing! You have to try it.
If you'd like to read some amazing books about God's grace and setting realistic and attainable goals and standards for yourself then check out these books.
