Sorry for crazy hair friends! It's been one of those real days!
Monday, June 19, 2017
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
Keep It Shut Chapter 10: Something To Talk About
I have to tell you that I am very emotional about this chapter. I've really struggled since starting this book. I've always had a hard time controlling the words that come out of my mouth. I'm one of those emotional types. I can hold in what I say for the most part, but if you turn the fire up under the pot and I can get myself in to a lot of trouble.
The past few months I have been very angry. I've been praying recently that God would reveal to me the source of this anger so that I could sort it out and move on in my life. I can't pinpoint when it started, but I can pinpoint when I noticed it. I noticed it in March. I nearly drove a man down in his vehicle because he cut me off when getting on to the interstate. Up until recently I still had a picture of his license plates in my phone. I was going to stalk this man. I have no idea what I was going to do once I was face to face with him, but let me tell you that day I knew I was going to do something.
This anger has also led me to say a lot of things, that even if they were true, were not kind. We have recently made a lot of changes to the Children's Ministry in my church. I am the director. I had a great conversation with my Pastor and the Assistant Pastor about these changes. We knew we would receive backlash, but man I couldn't believe the type of backlash we received. Someone that rarely ever shows me any type of attitude or anger jumped on me about these changes. I knew that the source of some of that anger came from the person that delivered the news to this person.
In order to cope, I have started pointing that finger while blaming and speaking hate. I've been yelling about people not keeping their mouths shut, speaking out of turn and pretty much have had the attitude of "like it or get out". I'm not saying my anger in this situation isn't justified, but I will tell you that I think my anger is causing a ripple that was started to grow. I read an analogy that I want to share with you straight from the words of the author.
I sat reading this chapter while I rocked my son to sleep. I had to lay my book aside as I sobbed in repentance. The changes to the Children's Ministry have been frustrating for everyone involved. I have the option to make the changes seem seamless and positive or I can bring more negativity and death to this ministry.
I will choose life. I will seek out forgiveness. I will choose better words. I will listen before I respond. I will be careful with my nonverbal ques. I will be fair to everyone involved and not rehash history. Everyone deserves the same fresh start I do everyday. I will change someone's history. I will believe the best of every situation.
I never want to stand before God as He shows me the destruction I was responsible for. I can do this... or keep my mouth shut.
The past few months I have been very angry. I've been praying recently that God would reveal to me the source of this anger so that I could sort it out and move on in my life. I can't pinpoint when it started, but I can pinpoint when I noticed it. I noticed it in March. I nearly drove a man down in his vehicle because he cut me off when getting on to the interstate. Up until recently I still had a picture of his license plates in my phone. I was going to stalk this man. I have no idea what I was going to do once I was face to face with him, but let me tell you that day I knew I was going to do something.
This anger has also led me to say a lot of things, that even if they were true, were not kind. We have recently made a lot of changes to the Children's Ministry in my church. I am the director. I had a great conversation with my Pastor and the Assistant Pastor about these changes. We knew we would receive backlash, but man I couldn't believe the type of backlash we received. Someone that rarely ever shows me any type of attitude or anger jumped on me about these changes. I knew that the source of some of that anger came from the person that delivered the news to this person.
In order to cope, I have started pointing that finger while blaming and speaking hate. I've been yelling about people not keeping their mouths shut, speaking out of turn and pretty much have had the attitude of "like it or get out". I'm not saying my anger in this situation isn't justified, but I will tell you that I think my anger is causing a ripple that was started to grow. I read an analogy that I want to share with you straight from the words of the author.
"I tried water-skiing once - and only once. It was the summer of 1976 and I was in the seventh grade. I had traveled with my mother and grandfather to upper Wisconsin for a week of vacation. My cousins were very skilled at all things aquatic. They were good swimmers. They loved to fish. And they could water-ski like no one's business. So they go the bright idea of teaching their land-loving cousin how to water-ski too.
Things started off well enough. I placed the skis on my feet and bobbed up and down in my bright-orange life jacket in the deep part of the lake, clutching the line attached to the boat my uncle Lee was about to drive. I had listened to all the instructions about how to get up on the skies and then how, once I was finally standing, to ski in a way that I would not fall.
My uncle revved up the engine and took off. I did everything I thought I was supposed to, and pretty soon I was standing up and skiing. However, I encountered a slight problem. My skis started to drift off course and into the wake, a V-shaped formation of rushing water generated behind a boat. While it is pretty, it is also powerful. And when a novice twelve-year-old water-skier accidentally gets her left ski caught in the wake, she soon gets the scare of her life.
I flipped. And flopped. I took in gallons of water in both my mouth and nose. And I continued to be dragged behind the boat in the wake of my uncle's joyride. Now, had I only been smart enough to let go of the line, this whole incident would not have been so traumatic. But I was in shock and wasn't thinking straight and somehow surmised that holding on for dear life was the right thing to do. As I said, it was the first and last time I ever went waterskiing.
Wakes are powerful. So are our words. And our word choices often leave behind a wake that can cause a ripple effect - for good or for ill - on all those around us. What is in your wake?" ~ Excerpt taken from Keep It Shut by Karen EhmanHow many times in the past couple of months have my words left a wake of destruction? Will my words lead to the destruction of someone's walk with God? I can honestly say I'm scared to know the answer to those.
I sat reading this chapter while I rocked my son to sleep. I had to lay my book aside as I sobbed in repentance. The changes to the Children's Ministry have been frustrating for everyone involved. I have the option to make the changes seem seamless and positive or I can bring more negativity and death to this ministry.
I will choose life. I will seek out forgiveness. I will choose better words. I will listen before I respond. I will be careful with my nonverbal ques. I will be fair to everyone involved and not rehash history. Everyone deserves the same fresh start I do everyday. I will change someone's history. I will believe the best of every situation.
I never want to stand before God as He shows me the destruction I was responsible for. I can do this... or keep my mouth shut.
It's For Your Own Good
A little over a month after I was fired from my job in 2014, this cat showed up in my life. He was THE sweetest thing ever. I was at an all time emotional low. My self-confidence was crushed. God knew I needed someone or something to love ME unconditionally.
It was a tough sell. Both my husband and I love animals, but our house was already full with three dogs and two cats. Each of these animals would (and still do) give me love, until my husband came home. Then I was just the chopped liver that someone tried to eat, but vomited back up on the floor. Honestly, we did not need another animal. However, you couldn't deny how much love this little guy had to give and he was so social.
We tried to do the responsible thing. With my husband being the only one working, another pet was not what we needed financially. My husband left with him in the car, but returned with him a little later. The humane society near us said they do not do intake from the public and we would have to take the cat to the county humane society. My husband told them he wasn't comfortable with this since it was a kill shelter. Their reply was "yes, but it's only a low kill shelter". So the cat came home.
My husband wanted to call him Whiskey since he had taken up residence in the whiskey barrel planter we had on our deck. Dan, however, lacks imagination when it comes to naming animals. His right to naming was revoked after he named our calico cat Callie. I had a couple of regal names that I threw out there that were nixed, but we finally agreed upon Dexter. Dan felt it was appropriate since he had taken up residence on our deck and I was also happy because one of my all time favorite shows (I admit this with minimal shame) was Dexter. Why would you not want to name your cat after a character that is a serial killer that kills serial killers?
Dexter was my one and only love in the house. When I came home he would be sitting on the very edge of the kitchen island, as close to the edge as he could get to put him closer to me. It didn't matter where I went, downstairs, upstairs, bathroom, kitchen, living room, Dexter was always there right beside me. Even to this day, I know that this cat loves me unconditionally and I love him the same. The dynamic of the house has changed a little in the past year with the baby, so he doesn't follow me around quite as much, but every night when I crawl in to bed, up hops my favorite animal in the house to cuddle with me for a few minutes before he goes down by my feet to sleep.
The one thing that Dexter does is beg to go outside. In the past, we have had trouble with him sneaking out when we opened the door to let the dogs out. We would have to act fast to catch him and bring him back. When we go outdoors, Dexter will sit next to the nearest window or door to you so that he can peer out at you. He will alternate between staring hard at you and meowing really loud as if death could be at his door.
Dexter doesn't understand that I keep him inside for his own good. You see, we have coyotes that frequent our yard and neighborhood. We occasionally have owls that like to search out small prey. Of course, there are hawks as well. This doesn't include the foxes, stray cats, opossum and other little animals that may look cute, but could in fact mean danger to my beloved cat.
I sometimes wonder if Dexter looks out at the dogs and thinks "it isn't fair". His eyes tell me he thinks it. I know I would think it. Sitting there in the window watching those dogs run around free, chasing the birds and squirrels. I know it probably doesn't seem fair.
Dexter really wants to go outside. He wants to explore and chase things. He wants to roll in the grass and be free. He doesn't see the dangers that I do because they are not visible to his eye. He hasn't had a reminder of the dangers lurking out there for him. The safety of the house has given him a false sense of security.
Isn't that the same way with God? Doesn't He love us so much that He puts up roadblocks to steer us from danger. Maybe He closes the proverbial screen door to keep us in safety. Sometimes, He dodges after us and grabs us by the scruff of the neck (sometimes the tail if that's the only thing He can grab) before we disappear in to the world of danger.
It doesn't always feel good and sometimes we are left with a whole lot of questions swimming around in our head. Why didn't I get that job? Why isn't that friend in my life anymore? Why wasn't it easier to have a baby? Maybe you've used the "it isn't fair" line. Maybe you've wanted to just linger a little bit in your old life. God sees the dangers, whether big or small, and understands what they can mean to our lives. He isn't trying to deprive us of what we see others enjoying, but He is trying to protect us until we are ready to walk through that door or handle circumstances that we might not have been able to handle in the past. Maybe we need time to grow. Maybe we may never step outside that particular door again.
I'm thankful that I serve a God that loves me so much that He will protect me even if I question Him. Even if I doubt Him. Even if I stare longingly at what others have and I think I want. He loves me. I'm thankful He doesn't send me off to another shelter with the thought of "well it's only a low kill shelter over there... hopefully she does well there". He has my best interest at heart and does everything for my own good.
It was a tough sell. Both my husband and I love animals, but our house was already full with three dogs and two cats. Each of these animals would (and still do) give me love, until my husband came home. Then I was just the chopped liver that someone tried to eat, but vomited back up on the floor. Honestly, we did not need another animal. However, you couldn't deny how much love this little guy had to give and he was so social.
We tried to do the responsible thing. With my husband being the only one working, another pet was not what we needed financially. My husband left with him in the car, but returned with him a little later. The humane society near us said they do not do intake from the public and we would have to take the cat to the county humane society. My husband told them he wasn't comfortable with this since it was a kill shelter. Their reply was "yes, but it's only a low kill shelter". So the cat came home.
My husband wanted to call him Whiskey since he had taken up residence in the whiskey barrel planter we had on our deck. Dan, however, lacks imagination when it comes to naming animals. His right to naming was revoked after he named our calico cat Callie. I had a couple of regal names that I threw out there that were nixed, but we finally agreed upon Dexter. Dan felt it was appropriate since he had taken up residence on our deck and I was also happy because one of my all time favorite shows (I admit this with minimal shame) was Dexter. Why would you not want to name your cat after a character that is a serial killer that kills serial killers?
Dexter was my one and only love in the house. When I came home he would be sitting on the very edge of the kitchen island, as close to the edge as he could get to put him closer to me. It didn't matter where I went, downstairs, upstairs, bathroom, kitchen, living room, Dexter was always there right beside me. Even to this day, I know that this cat loves me unconditionally and I love him the same. The dynamic of the house has changed a little in the past year with the baby, so he doesn't follow me around quite as much, but every night when I crawl in to bed, up hops my favorite animal in the house to cuddle with me for a few minutes before he goes down by my feet to sleep.
The one thing that Dexter does is beg to go outside. In the past, we have had trouble with him sneaking out when we opened the door to let the dogs out. We would have to act fast to catch him and bring him back. When we go outdoors, Dexter will sit next to the nearest window or door to you so that he can peer out at you. He will alternate between staring hard at you and meowing really loud as if death could be at his door.
Dexter doesn't understand that I keep him inside for his own good. You see, we have coyotes that frequent our yard and neighborhood. We occasionally have owls that like to search out small prey. Of course, there are hawks as well. This doesn't include the foxes, stray cats, opossum and other little animals that may look cute, but could in fact mean danger to my beloved cat.
I sometimes wonder if Dexter looks out at the dogs and thinks "it isn't fair". His eyes tell me he thinks it. I know I would think it. Sitting there in the window watching those dogs run around free, chasing the birds and squirrels. I know it probably doesn't seem fair.
Dexter really wants to go outside. He wants to explore and chase things. He wants to roll in the grass and be free. He doesn't see the dangers that I do because they are not visible to his eye. He hasn't had a reminder of the dangers lurking out there for him. The safety of the house has given him a false sense of security.
Isn't that the same way with God? Doesn't He love us so much that He puts up roadblocks to steer us from danger. Maybe He closes the proverbial screen door to keep us in safety. Sometimes, He dodges after us and grabs us by the scruff of the neck (sometimes the tail if that's the only thing He can grab) before we disappear in to the world of danger.
It doesn't always feel good and sometimes we are left with a whole lot of questions swimming around in our head. Why didn't I get that job? Why isn't that friend in my life anymore? Why wasn't it easier to have a baby? Maybe you've used the "it isn't fair" line. Maybe you've wanted to just linger a little bit in your old life. God sees the dangers, whether big or small, and understands what they can mean to our lives. He isn't trying to deprive us of what we see others enjoying, but He is trying to protect us until we are ready to walk through that door or handle circumstances that we might not have been able to handle in the past. Maybe we need time to grow. Maybe we may never step outside that particular door again.
I'm thankful that I serve a God that loves me so much that He will protect me even if I question Him. Even if I doubt Him. Even if I stare longingly at what others have and I think I want. He loves me. I'm thankful He doesn't send me off to another shelter with the thought of "well it's only a low kill shelter over there... hopefully she does well there". He has my best interest at heart and does everything for my own good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)