I heard it through the grapevine! Oh lordy! It's sad, but true. As some of you may know I have been reading this book "Keep It Shut" by Karen Ehman. I have been learning a lot from this book. Little by little I have started making changes to things I allow to come out of my mouth. I am perfect by no means, but I am trying.
Today I was given a reminder as to why I am trying to make these changes. I was speaking with a loved one and they mentioned that they were talking to another loved one. Loved one #2 made a comment to loved #1 about me. In short, the comment was something along the lines of I am always to busy, I am neglecting my son because I am to busy and if I didn't want my son I could give him to them. I was (truthfully... still am) hurt by this. Anyone that truly knows me, knows my son is my number one priority.
I want to hurt someone. I want to yell and yes... possibly punch someone in the throat. I want to rage at the world right now. I want to get on my phone and call people to get sympathetic support. I want to text, email or call the offender to confront them. I want to grumble and complain, feel sorry for myself and most of all, I want to cry. However, I won't.
There are some different aspects to this whole situation that I want to mention that I have to consider while sorting out my feelings.
- Loved one #2 has no right to finger point in this particular area.
- Loved one #1 maybe took something said out of context.
- Loved one #2 may be commenting on something that they have only snapshot info on. (most likely the case since they do not live nearby)
- Loved one #1 could have possibly been fueling the flames to lead up to this statement.
- What have I done or said to give loved one #2 this impression?
I have to consider all of these things as I sort through my emotions. Then I have to face the fact that I can't even dwell on the actual answers to the first four statements because I wasn't there to hear the conversation. If I make decisions based off of those facts then I am just I am guilty of making assumptions and I will continue the cycle of negativity. I can only reflect on and control my own actions.
Now some may say that maybe loved one #1 shouldn't have repeated what loved one #2 had said. While this may be true, I am actually thankful they did say something. The reason I am thankful is because it has given me a moment to pause and reflect, pray, then apply and put in to action some tips I've picked up reading my book. Today I have a chance to grow or to decline. I choose to grow.
So, I will disregard the negative comment. Whether it was said or not. Whether it was taken out of context or not. I know I am a good mom. I say that as I type one handed and hold my son with the other arm as he sleeps. I am a mom that learns and grows. I am a mom that makes mistakes and tries to learn from them and most importantly... I am a mom that is trying to learn to "keep it shut".
